Comfort and depression rolled into one?

Chapter two is up, and I got a few comments saying that it's too obvious that the good guy will win and the bad guy is too weak, but hey, I don't wanna' mess with u guys too early in the story.

It might take close to a week to get the next one and the character profiles (CPs) done, but I should get it posted latest by Sunday night.

Anyway, here's a filler post, and it's my first post about the holidays, so, enjoy :)!

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I find myself being very busy now, even though it's the holidays. With the maid gone, there's lots of chores to do and my mom seems to think I'm the most reliable and wants me to do most of them. Not only that, I've got wushu at school but since that's my only source of excercise during these holidays, I enjoy it :D! It does get a bit too much though coz' it uses up 3-4 days of the week. That's a bit much, no?

Also, recently, my parents have become obsessed with getting us to help around the church so they made me join the Christmas Choir and even enrolled me to be part of the annual Christmas Musical. The old guys are fun and some of them are pretty decent singers, but it takes some commitment and it uses up time which I would have preferred using to laze around and relax or go online.

Anyway, in these hectic times, one thing has become both a source of comfort and apprehension for me -- my bed.
I love my bed. I mean, who wouldn't love the one thing that gives them absolute rest and comfort? Especially now that I have so much to do, I cherish my time in it. Then there's this big stuffed dog that's a permanent "resident" in my bed. Yes, I'm willing to admit that I have a toy dog in my bed. It just comforts the childish part in me by letting me feel that I'm not alone at night, especially coz' my room is a floor away from everyone else.
But.. recently, with my free time, facebook and blogging and youtube aren't enough to keep me busy while I'm online, so I turn to reading fanfiction. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a wesite where people take characters from cartoons, anime, comics, books or movies, and then writes stories about the stuff that they wish could happen between the characters. It's cool coz' all sorts of stuff happens, like the weak guys in the original story are described as having lots of talent but hiding it, the bad guys turn out to be good, the hard-hearted killers become affectionate lovers, and everyone is coupled with everyone else XD!
So, being the dramatic and obssessive and possessive and romantic person that I am *smiles sweetly then throws up a bit*, I often visit the romance section on the website and read a lot of the stuff there. It's nice you know, to see some of the really hot characters get together when in the real story, no such thing ever happens. It makes me feel all mushy inside XDDD!!

Okay, so what does this have to do with my bed, you ask? Well, I read lot's of the stories and in most of them, the two lovers usually end up in bed or wake up in bed and some of them are pretty much ONLY about them being IN BED >=).. JK, but yeah...there is such stuff there too, damn those perverted fans..

So anyway, I know I'm kinda' too young, but I really feel kinda' depressed when I lay in bed and the only one there to keep me company is Regal (my toy dog). The bed's soo warm and nice but wouldn't it be nice to have a warm body next to me too?
Okay.. seriously Josh, get a life and get a less mature (or perverted) brain while you're at it... Yeah, I know I'm too young but what the hell...

Last night it got so bad I just curled around Regal and imagined it to be the person I want in bed next to me.. Well, if you're gonna ask if there's such a person then yes, there is, more than one in fact, but some of them are cartoon characters.... BuHAHAHAHA, just kidding. Okay, there are only a few but there's no way in hell I'm telling coz' you wouldn't believe me anyway XD!

Seriously, this post is getting nowhere. Just wanted to post how depressed I was and how much sadness lying in bed brings me these days.. Seriously, I need to grow up quick, study, get a good job and find someone nice to share a bed with, and NOT in the perverted way, I wouldn't mind just having someone there to lie next to me, share body heat, and to wake up next to that special someone. Okay, it's official. Josh has some SERIOUS MENTAL ISSUES.
I need to see a counsellor :/ or maybe a psychiatrist T.T

But until then, I'm still going to be this crazy. I mean, we're all teenagers, we all just hit puberty, we all have the hormones and we have no idea what to do with them. We know we have to wait till we're older but that has never stopped most of us :/... So, is it wrong to crave a little bit of body heat?? I'm not even talking about that "other" stuff, just the warmth of someone else against you... well, I still have to wait I guess, unless I'm really lucky, that is *praying really, really hard*

Haha.. I wish.. (really, I do :P) Anyway, if you guys think I'm crazy, then let me give you a quote and if you react emotionally to it in any way, then you're on the same boat as me :D!

'Waking to dawn's first tentative glow, in a rumpled bed that smells only of oneself, can be one of the loneliest moments of a person's life.'

There, that was it. And, although some of us are teens, we'll be adults soon and then other things will get in the way. It's sad, really, but there it is. That feeling mentioned in that quote, I've been getting a lot of it during these holidays, and it kinda' sucks. In fact, I think it also sucks that I have this feeling even though I'm so young.. C'mon, I got at least another 5-10 years before I'm ready to face life with a good education or a job. I shouldn't be thinking about this stuff..

Haiz... What's my problem? I really don't know. Anyway, there's some stuff I'd like to say, coz' I know I'll never get to say it in real life.

"Hey, I really miss you. I wish I could see you everyday, even if you don't usually notice me. I'm sorry I messed things up. What we had, no matter how true or fake or how deep or shallow it was, it was nice. I liked it a lot, and, I can only hope that you did too. I'm sorry I messed it up by saying those things.. I'm sorry I'm not good enough, sorry that I wanted something that everyone knew I couldn't have. I shouldn't have hoped, shouldn't have tried, shouldn't have dreamed.

"We weren't even really close you know. Ours wasn't the chatting sort of friendship. More silent, more understanding, more... I don't know. I guess I was just thinking too much and lying to myself. Now, even more than ever, I believe that I fell in love with someone who didn't exist. The smiles, the hugs, the nice, caring person I knew.. I'm not sure if that person ever existed. But I believe, for you to do even half of what you did, it had to exist deep down inside of you.

"I don't know what I feel for you anymore. Maybe because, for the first time, I'm seeing you and the one I love as two separate people, and I haven't come into contact with the one I love for a very long time. I miss that person, but I don't know if I miss you. I wonder if that person is still there..

"Don't leave. Whatever you do, whether you're the one I love or not, don't leave. Please. It might hurt to see you and be unable to find the courage to talk to you, but it's better to see you everyday without talking then to not be able to see you at all. Just seeing your face and knowing that you're well, that's enough to make me happy. I beg you, don't leave me...don't leave us....don't leave me. Stay. You can even convince that other person to stay too just so long as YOU stay. If you want to be with them then get them to stay. Don't leave..I love you."

OKAY! To lighten the mood after that very depressing outpouring of feeling, I just wanted to say THANK YOU to anyone and everyone who's read my blog so far:D! It's nice to know that this stuff isn't just hogging the internet space but that it's being read by some life forms somewhere out there XD! So, have a great day (or a great night ;D), people! Bye!